Monday, November 01, 2010

-- A Good Marriage --

I was watching one of my favorite shows last night - Brothers and Sisters - and the main story of the episode was that one of the main characters (Scotty) had cheated on his husband (Kevin).  Scotty wanted to be up front and honest about what had happened.  Kevin wasn't sure about the couple's future - he was angry, hurt and in pain.  During the show there were arguments, harsh words and even a punch thrown in the direction of the cheatee (one with whom the cheating happened) but at the end of the show it seemed like the couple might be on the road toward forgiveness.

But this isn't a post about a TV show.  Instead, what really resonated with me from this episode that I wanted to share was a series of lines that Sally Fields' character delivered at the end of the episode... She said:

"The thing about a good marriage is that even if a terrible thing happens you just can’t imagine your life with anyone else.  
That’s why you commit to each other, that’s why you make vows to each other – that through the good or the bad you’ll just keep trying.

You are fighting not only for love, you are fighting for something bigger than either one of you are fighting for the family you’ve become, you are fighting for the us you’ve become.  That really is worth fighting for."


Without getting too personal, I truly feel like this is exactly the situation and Lucas and I have now settled into. Its not that we have been going through anything terrible... but instead, that everyday has its own little struggle.  If you know us, its no surprise to read that our relationship isn't a quiet, peaceful one.  We disagree a lot, argue often, sometimes fight but have never give up.  While we haven't had to deal with infidelity, we did get married when we were super young (19 and 21) and as such, had basically grown into a adults with each other.  This has meant that our individual priorities have changed and we've had to figure out how to be flexible with that - and this has never been easy for us.  Lucas and I both have rather fiery personalities.  We don't like to be told what to do and we certainly don't like to have the other just up and change our whole life plan - but its happened - several times.

Being almost 8 years into marriage, I've got to say that there have been many times that we thought we weren't going to make it - and honestly, I'm not certain that another time won't come where we face the same question - but when push comes to shove, I can't ever imagine sharing my life with anyone else.

I wrestle with this feeling though.  Since Lucas and I met when we were kids, and we married young, I am always scared that the reason I can't imagine my life with anyone else is because I haven't been with anyone else - and so I literally can't imagine it.  But while watching that episode last night, I think I am working toward the realization that this feeling is not one of insecurity, but instead, its the opposite.  This feeling is one of security, of comfort, of safety, of recognition that no matter who I am or who I become, I'm accepted and loved.  That we can fight - in fact, that we could go through some terrible, awful things, but that we are better together and that we want to share our life and that we have - a good marriage!

3 comments:

Kim @ NewlyWoodwards said...

This is an awesome post. I'm impressed that you threw it out there, because I think a lot of us deal with this at times but it's hard to be honest about it. Ryan and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 18, so I totally understand feeling like you grew up together and priorities changed along the way.

All that to say, I think us is worth fighting for, too. ;)

Littlec said...

Great post for the first day of November Amanda. Thanks for being so honest. I think I can learn a lot from your 8 years.

Kell said...

Your post really touched me. It's so infrequent that anyone get such an honest look into someone's marriage (even me in my line of research!). Thanks for sharing!

 
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